Gloria Purvis and the Morning Glory team at EWTN had me on as a guest to talk about my miscarriage and the tremendous grace I received through other mothers who had lost their children. These mothers were Christ to me, offering me their own wounds to me as gifts, living out His transfiguration.
I come on about 46 minutes into the episode below.
And, since October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month, I’d like to also share a few of the resources (besides those generous moms) that were particularly helpful to me.
The best thing I read was Miscarriage: Women Sharing from the Heart by Marie Allen and Shelly Marks. The books is sort of a curated set of oral histories. Allen and Marks interviewed many women about their miscarriages, and presented some stories in their entirety and presented many small excerpts from others grouped around specific themes (reactions of the fathers, choices around burial/memorials, etc). It was so helpful to be able to see the range of reactions, to have moments of recognition, and also moments when I felt less pressure, because I could see how broad the range of griefs was.
The thing I read that helped me, but I think is probably a terrible recommendation in general was Ariel Levy’s memoir The Rules Do Not Apply. Levy was much farther along when her child died than I was, and she was able to see her child (a blessing and a cross at the same time). She describes the miscarriage in a wrenching and graphic essay (“Thanksgiving in Mongolia”) for the New Yorker. The book brought me some comfort because of how much her writing is focused on the corporeality of her baby, and I could haunt her grief and her love a little. But I would never recommend it casually to another woman who experienced a miscarriage.
And, finally, if you’re looking for songs to sing loudly and to pray through, the ones that helped me were “Light” from Next to Normal, “Tho’ Dark Be My Way” from the Shenandoah Harmony, “Come Alive (Dry Bones)” by Lauren Daigle, and “Thy Will” by Hilary Scott (a reflection on her own miscarriage).